All of us owe something to someone. When positive influences have made our lives better, we should be grateful. But gifts should be freely given and allowed to be freely accepted. Receiving a favor should not mean that we incur a debt to be paid. This expectation can turn happy thankfulness into 'the burden of gratitude.'
People are complicated, with an outer persona and an inner life which is hidden. Often we can't even understand ourselves. Because of this, we have to think carefully before we act. We can't simply allow others to dictate our response, but we shouldn't judge others harshly either.
People are also perfectly capable of feeling two or more emotions at the same time. We may act one way while at the same time harboring feelings of indecision, frustration, resentment - the list is endless. We can be truly grateful but also resent the necessity of being so.
Perhaps we are grateful to a parent. Maybe a coworker has offered an opportunity or given us a great review. All is fine if the gift is given freely. Virtue is its own reward in many cases, and we can simply say 'Thank you' and go on. However, often there is an emotional bill to pay, or a 'tit for tat' expectation which demands reciprocation.
If a coworker does you a favor and then expects something in return, you may wish the whole thing had never happened. Sometimes a person is really trying to put you under an obligation rather than doing you a good turn. If they expect some kind of collusion from you that you feel is unprofessional or even dishonest, it can be a real problem. You will have to choose who you will be loyal to, your 'friend' or your employer.
A coworker may have a right to expect equal favors in return for favors done. However, if these expectations mean that they hold a grievance if they don't get 'paid back', they are expecting more than gratitude. Their bad manners or poor judgement don't automatically let you off the hook, but you may want to be cautious about receiving favors in future. If their expectations include wanting you to cover for improper behavior on their part, things are even harder to handle.
Sometimes we may not even feel grateful in the first place. However, we have to work well with others if at all possible. A positive gesture on the part of another calls for some reaction. A thank you note, more regular visits to a parent, remembering to pray for someone, or deciding to 'pay it forward' are all suitable reactions. You may have to work through your own feelings of resentment or suspicion; allowing someone else to disrupt your tranquility is silly.
If we really do not feel grateful and, after consideration, feel we are justified in not doing so, we have to decide what to do. A child can leave an unhappy home when old enough. A worker can let the offender know their actions aren't appreciated, ask to be transferred, or simply ignore the whole thing and hope it goes away. Unfortunately, this kind of thing might make a 'good' emotion - gratitude - into an emotional trial.
People are complicated, with an outer persona and an inner life which is hidden. Often we can't even understand ourselves. Because of this, we have to think carefully before we act. We can't simply allow others to dictate our response, but we shouldn't judge others harshly either.
People are also perfectly capable of feeling two or more emotions at the same time. We may act one way while at the same time harboring feelings of indecision, frustration, resentment - the list is endless. We can be truly grateful but also resent the necessity of being so.
Perhaps we are grateful to a parent. Maybe a coworker has offered an opportunity or given us a great review. All is fine if the gift is given freely. Virtue is its own reward in many cases, and we can simply say 'Thank you' and go on. However, often there is an emotional bill to pay, or a 'tit for tat' expectation which demands reciprocation.
If a coworker does you a favor and then expects something in return, you may wish the whole thing had never happened. Sometimes a person is really trying to put you under an obligation rather than doing you a good turn. If they expect some kind of collusion from you that you feel is unprofessional or even dishonest, it can be a real problem. You will have to choose who you will be loyal to, your 'friend' or your employer.
A coworker may have a right to expect equal favors in return for favors done. However, if these expectations mean that they hold a grievance if they don't get 'paid back', they are expecting more than gratitude. Their bad manners or poor judgement don't automatically let you off the hook, but you may want to be cautious about receiving favors in future. If their expectations include wanting you to cover for improper behavior on their part, things are even harder to handle.
Sometimes we may not even feel grateful in the first place. However, we have to work well with others if at all possible. A positive gesture on the part of another calls for some reaction. A thank you note, more regular visits to a parent, remembering to pray for someone, or deciding to 'pay it forward' are all suitable reactions. You may have to work through your own feelings of resentment or suspicion; allowing someone else to disrupt your tranquility is silly.
If we really do not feel grateful and, after consideration, feel we are justified in not doing so, we have to decide what to do. A child can leave an unhappy home when old enough. A worker can let the offender know their actions aren't appreciated, ask to be transferred, or simply ignore the whole thing and hope it goes away. Unfortunately, this kind of thing might make a 'good' emotion - gratitude - into an emotional trial.
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