Many of us have been manipulated into obligations that we did not wish to owe, at a time when we were in need ourselves. Not everyone who goes above and beyond does so for us for the right reasons, and we can be victimized by their motives. They might be trying to obligate us through the burden of gratitude.
Even the simple act of going on dates can bring an unwitting individual into such a scenario. Customarily, the man has always paid for the dates, leaving the female a sense of indebtedness to him. Many unscrupulous men will use this fact to manipulate a woman into sex, claiming that she owes him for the money he has spent on her.
Going Dutch is an excellent way to avoid this sort of manipulation. In fact, women are warned to be wary of men who refuse to allow them to pay for their own meals. If a girl cannot afford to pay for her own dinner, it might be best to simply not accept dates until she is more financially solvent in order to avoid this type of manipulation.
Religious institutions are notorious for using indebtedness for help as a way to get new members. It is perfectly legal for them to require attendance at services as payment for help given to homeless people. In a perfect world, one would be able to get food, clothing, and shelter without being required to embrace a particular religious doctrine, but that is not how most churches approach it.
Parents even use this exact tactic to control the choices their children make. By offering free housing and help with school tuition or child care, many parents will attempt to control who their kids date or what degree they pursue. Sometimes they might even try to establish curfews for children who are much too old to legally bound by such restrictions.
When we find ourselves in a difficult situation, it is up to us to decide if we think friends offer help for our benefit, or if they are trying to get something from us. Sometimes they actually are just trying to gain something for themselves. They might want to get paid for the help they offer, or even just a foot in the door of our lives in order to date or learn things about us so they can spread rumors.
Every one of us must evaluate our own intentions when we offer to help a friend. It is important that we do not make such offers with the intention of benefiting in some selfish way ourselves. When we are giving it must be done with a generous heart, and not because we have convinced ourselves that we somehow know what is best for that person.
Everyone needs assistance at different points in their lives, so we are all vulnerable to being manipulated at that time. In our greatest times of need, sometimes it is better to seek the assistance of strangers. Co-workers, friends, family, and especially exes may not really be helping us in a way that sees to our own best interests.
Even the simple act of going on dates can bring an unwitting individual into such a scenario. Customarily, the man has always paid for the dates, leaving the female a sense of indebtedness to him. Many unscrupulous men will use this fact to manipulate a woman into sex, claiming that she owes him for the money he has spent on her.
Going Dutch is an excellent way to avoid this sort of manipulation. In fact, women are warned to be wary of men who refuse to allow them to pay for their own meals. If a girl cannot afford to pay for her own dinner, it might be best to simply not accept dates until she is more financially solvent in order to avoid this type of manipulation.
Religious institutions are notorious for using indebtedness for help as a way to get new members. It is perfectly legal for them to require attendance at services as payment for help given to homeless people. In a perfect world, one would be able to get food, clothing, and shelter without being required to embrace a particular religious doctrine, but that is not how most churches approach it.
Parents even use this exact tactic to control the choices their children make. By offering free housing and help with school tuition or child care, many parents will attempt to control who their kids date or what degree they pursue. Sometimes they might even try to establish curfews for children who are much too old to legally bound by such restrictions.
When we find ourselves in a difficult situation, it is up to us to decide if we think friends offer help for our benefit, or if they are trying to get something from us. Sometimes they actually are just trying to gain something for themselves. They might want to get paid for the help they offer, or even just a foot in the door of our lives in order to date or learn things about us so they can spread rumors.
Every one of us must evaluate our own intentions when we offer to help a friend. It is important that we do not make such offers with the intention of benefiting in some selfish way ourselves. When we are giving it must be done with a generous heart, and not because we have convinced ourselves that we somehow know what is best for that person.
Everyone needs assistance at different points in their lives, so we are all vulnerable to being manipulated at that time. In our greatest times of need, sometimes it is better to seek the assistance of strangers. Co-workers, friends, family, and especially exes may not really be helping us in a way that sees to our own best interests.
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